Start by starting.

The ability to start out upon your own impulse is

fundamental to the gift of keeping going upon your own

terms. . . . Getting started, keeping going, getting started

again— in art and in life, it seems to me this is the

essential rhythm.

—Seamus Heaney, poet

Surrender {detail}

Me:  There’s so much that’s happened in the last 6 months.  I don’t even know where to start.

Him:  Just start exactly where you are right now…

 

It’s really that simple.

 

Step back in.

 

Start by starting.

 

Exactly where you are, right now.

 

And so, today:

 

  • I am releasing expectations

Open Hand

I am opening my hand.

Releasing the huge list of “shoulds” and “targets” that haunt me.   I am allowing myself to be EXACTLY WHERE I AM. 

[Thank you, Jeanie, Christine and Louise, for words and permission the other day.  They vibrated through me, shaking off dust and lies.  I found myself singing just the song I needed to sing.  Words arranged themselves and colors burst forth as truth and trust settled into my heart.]

Today, I’m listening to my body and giving myself permission to BE.   I am in the garden and on the pages with my hand and heart wide open.

LEE_8322

 

  • I am also, slightly overwhelmed by stimulus

Actually, if I’m honest, more than slightly overwhelmed.  I have Sensory Integration challenges.  I don’t really talk about it much.  A few of my close friends know.  It used to feel like shame, but these days, it just is.  I simply live it; I don’t judge it.  I’m almost 5o years old and I’m finally figuring out how to navigate life in my own skin.  Migraines and tears have shown me the path to honoring my sensitive soul.

I now know that I’m not Too Much or Hypersensitive

I don’t need to Get over it or Calm Down

I no longer engage in complex behaviors of Fight, Flight and Freeze.

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I mean I still engage in a version of all of the above, but not out of terror.  I simply pay attention to where I am and what I need and I give my Self permission to access what I need for health and life and presence.

I recognize that my sensitivity is part of the way that I see.  I take in everything, all at once or sometimes by hyper-focusing on one thing.   I see possibility in everything and everyone.  My art and writing are full of throw aways from the rubbish bin and unique perspectives, because deep down inside I always believe there’s a puzzle to solve or dot to connect.  I’ve learned to move slowly, so as not to overwhelm myself.  Which means that sometimes I circle a project or scenario for a long time without landing.

The fact that I’m super tuned in, often shows up in my physical world and body. Sounds are extra loud and sensations are extra sensational.  Thus sometimes, like today, my t-shirts are flipped inside out to keep the tags off of my skin.

Tags

Sometimes, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and remember to breathe.  But I am learning to stay in touch, move with the ebb and flow and truly BE in my life.

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  •   I’m also, squeezing juice out of paper

As I extend grace to myself in the midst of deadlines and taking-too-long projects, I am faithfully showing up to the pages of my sketchbooks.  I am telling myself the truth and I am storing the queues and lists of things that will make sense later.  I am sifting through my heart and life with words and paint and collage, knowing that when the time is right, it will all come together and I will approach whatever needs approaching, with a whole heart.

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That’s exactly where I am right now.

Where are you?

By | 2016-10-19T14:20:32+00:00 July 29th, 2013|Art is Life is Art, Uncategorized|10 Comments

About the Author:

I create containers for words and paint and I fill them. I craft safe, sacred spaces for people to wrestle, create, heal and shout from the mountain tops.
 
And I teach people to do all of these things for themselves.

  • Meghan Arias

    There really isn’t space to say where I am right now. It would take too long and, honestly, I really only want to talk to you about it in person. All that to say, I get you. But you know that already.

    I love you oodles and bunches and lots and alwayses.

    Meg

    • wildthymecreative

      Hey Meg – I sure do know you get me. I count on it. And would love to talk. Imma send you a text! Love you too! like x a million.

  • Rozy Torres Mccormick

    Where am I? Feeling a hundred years behind in work and a light year ahead with my daughter and new grand daughter. I’ve passed the baton of motherhood to my youngest child as she begins the great adventure with her precious new one. I’m wrestling guilt and sleep deprivation although I wouldn’t change a thing because of all the magical moments I’ve spent with my new little Spanish beauty. I long for my man and my animals, friends, kitchen and space and I’m heartbroken all at once.

    It’s utterly amazing that a woman can feel spread paper thin and also be overflowing. A walking contradiction is what I am in this season of time. I’m going to give myself time to grief and celebrate and do my best to catch up with my soul and my work and at the end of the day remember to say thank you for it all.

    • wildthymecreative

      Rozy, This. “It is utterly amazing that a woman can feel spread paper thin and also be overflowing.” Yes and yes, again. So, true. So, rich. You’re so right. So. much. gratitude. [Love you, friend. Glad that you’ll be home soon!]

  • “I now know that I’m not Too Much or Hypersensitive

    I don’t need to Get over it or Calm Down

    I no longer engage in complex behaviors of Fight, Flight and Freeze.”

    I love this so much.
    I once made a two page journal spread and on one side it was a lot of colored scribbles and on the other nothing … and I wrote either I am too much or not enough.
    It is no longer a consuming thought but it does crop up once and awhile.

    It is so good to see you showing up.
    I love your voice, your heart.

    • wildthymecreative

      Cynthia –

      It’s good to show up.

      Thank you for your words, friend. You are a brave, gentle and truthful witness for yourself and others. And that journal spread. What an amazing picture of how it feels to be simultaneously too much and not enough. So many paradoxes found in the life of a woman.

  • Alys Seay

    It’s so soothing to read your words and imagine your voice sharing these things. The grace you have for yourself just flows out and is calming to the soul. And it’s encouraging to see and hear about your daily struggles… It reminds me it’s ok to not have it together and to fight through the mess. And to remember that whatever happens or has happened, the here and now is what we’ve been given. So much love to you!!

    • wildthymecreative

      Hello Sweet Alys,

      How wonderful to connect here in this space. It’s always a treasure when my worlds weave together. You said, “It reminds me it’s okay to not have it together and fight through the mess.” So glad to know that any of this points towards grace. You’re right. It is so okay. So very okay to be exactly where you are. You will be well met. So much love right back to you. <3

  • Denise Heesch

    Dearest sweet Betsy, breathe in…breathe out is about where I’m at right now. On Sunday I could have flown with grace and freedom from the Cliffs of Moher, but today I need Jesus to be the Lifter of my head. I am stirred and soothed by your words…and I can smell the scent of Jesus clinging to you. I love you precious-d

    • wildthymecreative

      Denise – I used to think that the place of “breathe in…breathe out” was a place of anxiety and panic. Now I know that when I focus on my breath that completely, I am in the place of wisdom. I’m sending prayers your way. That you will know exactly what pace you are to live and that you’ll stay in the place of paying attention to your breath.

      Grace and Peace,
      ~betsy