More weight #100sharesproject 31/100

Version 2
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
~ Anne Lamott
Thursday 19 May 2016 
31/100
Things are heavy right now.  And that is okay.  I’ve been compartmentalizing like a champ.
And then I got more weight.
And then more.
And then I wasn’t so sure.
The compartments started to blend today.
Today, I felt the grief of the world.
I hurt for all the mums who have empty arms.  
[Not many know, but many many years ago I held a stillborn baby girl in my arms…I have never been the same.]
I cannot fathom holding a young one for 11 years or 18 years or 21 or 50 and then losing them.
I cannot fathom outliving my children.
Except I can.
Grief and weight
and more grief and weight.
I never want to hear the word hospice again.
Except I do.
Because saying goodbye properly is holy.
I have not wept.
Yet.
The keen is stuck in my throat.
I have made marks.
Moved paint.  Arranged words and flowers.
IMG_5261
… and held my own children.
This is what I wrote to them today after my husband told them that I was walking in sorrow.  They responded with love and support; I am blessed.
“Thank you, birds. 
 
Heartbroken for the mums.
Sad that the world doesn’t have the light of the lives of precious young ones.
Thinking about what difference we should be making in the world.  Want to spend our minutes well…
I want you guys to kiss life on the mouth.  I want you to shine.  Grief puts things in perspective.
Loss reminds me that there’s so much more than survival and drama.
Don’t waste your love and talent and minutes worrying about getting it right. 
 
For all that is good and holy, BE in your life.”
1 Feb Circles, birds and a brain full of ideas. Sometimes an image says it all. #sabbath #rainydaypages

Sometimes an image says it all. #sabbath #rainydaypages  #alltheworld

I wish for you, dear reader, all that I wish for my own.
Move through the dark woods.
Embrace the present.
Know who you are.
BE in your life,
Betsy
 
By | 2016-10-19T14:20:24+00:00 May 19th, 2016|Uncategorized|9 Comments

About the Author:

I create containers for words and paint and I fill them. I craft safe, sacred spaces for people to wrestle, create, heal and shout from the mountain tops.
 
And I teach people to do all of these things for themselves.

  • Carol Lambert

    Yes… ❤️

    • Carol – You have always inspired me to be courageous and live with heart. <3

      • Carol Lambert

        Thanks, Betsy… and I love your fierce determination to be you. It reminds me to be true to myself everyday. Keep writing… we’re listening 🙂 xo

  • Katie Swan

    So fitting and powerful. Love you for putting words, phrases and images out there that meet the powerful emotions that are flowing within. Thank you.

    • Katie – I think it’s part of how I move through it. I have to take it out of my heart and mind and breath and cells. I put it on the table in front of me and name it and wrap words around it. And make no mistake, I weep. May you walk in strength and be comforted as you walk this journey. Love you, friend.

  • Kathy Mercure

    Oh my, I feel your sorrow! I can’t imagine how you are feeling, but I can feel you. Sending hugs and love…

    • Thank you, Kathy. I’ve been meditating on these lines by the poet Czeslaw Milosz:

      “…Love means to learn to look at yourself
      The way one looks at distant things
      For you are only one thing among many.
      And whoever sees that way heals his heart…”

      I so appreciate the hugs and love across the distance. It helps the healing. It is a good reminder that we are all connected.

      • Kathy Mercure

        Lovely! I started the Rob Bell podcasts on lamentation. Profound!

        • Kathy – right? wonderful insight into staying present with all aspect of lamenting.